Thana-what? Why I became a thanatologist
I am a thanatologist, also known as an expert in dying, death, and grief. I have spoken to only one person outside this “world” who knew what thanatology is when introduced to me. He’s a NY Times writer, so it’s fair to assume he has a vast general knowledge base!
“Thanatology” is rooted in the Greek word Thanatos - the personification of death. You may also recall the Marvel character Thanos who woos Mistress Death. Thanatology came into being largely in the latter part of the last century (or as the kids call it, the 1900s!). While Freud was among the first to study grief, the field of Thanatology really got going in the 1950s or so.
Anyway, why am I a thanatologist? I ask this not rhetorically, I know why I am. But I get asked about how I ended up in this work all the time. Who in their right mind would want to focus on grief and death? Turns out, I’ve found my space after a lifetime of loss. I thrive on the work, and am passionate about the modern experience of grief and death.
So this post is not my life story. That you can find in my book, also called Death and Other Stories, available on Amazon Kindle. [Shameless plug!]. It’s a short read, the conversion to “real pages” is less than 100. In it, I describe the losses I experienced prior to making this my work, as well as a bit about what I’ve learned as a death and grief expert.
But what I do want to share here is what I do, as it’s unlike anything I’ve done before and there are very few of us doing it.
What I’m not: a licensed mental health professional. I hold a Master of Science in Thanatology. I’m not a therapist, or a chaplain, or a social worker. But I am an expert. Why did I choose this path?
As I mentioned, I’ve experienced a lot of personal loss - my dad when I was 13, my husband and my best friend in their 30s, and then my mom in 2020. I like to say I’ve had many of the losses we will all face, a little earlier than most. The more time that went by, the more I felt a strong, innate pull to turn all these experiences into something. But what was that something? I had been a corporate leader for a long time, focused on marketing, product, and retail experience innovation. How to shift from that to being considered a death and grief expert? Sure, I had my own experience. Most of us do, to some degree - loss is universal. But what would give me the credibility to make this my work?
I discovered that I could get an MS in Thanatology and immediately knew that was the unlock. These credentials mattered for a lot of reasons, but the most critical was that they took me beyond my own experience. We all reside in our own bodies, enveloped by the things that make us “us.” For me, that was being a straight, white, female-identifying person raised Catholic and without children. Those characteristics mean there are many, many communities, cultures, and beliefs about which I know little or nothing. That’s why getting educated on the experience of death and grief across those spaces mattered.
I see a lot of people go into this work based on their own experiences of loss. That’s noble, valuable, and important. What might be missing, though, is the knowledge that an education in Thanatology offers. For me, I know that my degree enabled me to explore worlds beyond my own. I learned about other cultures, about ethical considerations, about grief theories backed by extensive academic research.
At the same time, my studies helped me better understand my own experiences. In a class on child and adolescent encounters with death, I learned about developmental stages and how they can be affected by loss - and on a personal level I started to understand what happened to me developmentally both before and after my father died. Grief theory classes enabled me to understand my reactions to loss. Learning the science has actually enabled me to approach this work with more humanity- for myself and for others.
So if I am not a mental health practitioner, or a chaplain, or a hospice worker, or a social worker - what am I? To be honest, I have so many potential paths I get overwhelmed with optimism and ideas. I’ve been focused on saying yes to most everything since completing my degree.
I am a teacher: I have offered workshops at Miraval Resort in Tucson, a world-renowned wellness destination, and I’m currently an adjunct professor teaching about the role of tech in grief and death (more on that later).
I am an author: As shamelessly referenced above!
I am a guide: I have a lot of experience with leading a career while coping with illness and death and other losses. I help people who face these situations for themselves, as well as managers trying to support them.
I am still a business person at heart: So I seek out opportunities to connect the science and theory to important innovations for people who need them
I’ve met so many fascinating people on this relatively recent, short journey. I have a lot of fun in my LinkedIn feed where I have contacts I’ve known in the business world for decades, as well as the luminaries of end of life planning, funerals, and grief. Very different updates, needless to say. I love it!
There is SO MUCH opportunity in death and grief. They surround us, yet we are so poorly equipped as a society to understand them, to care for ourselves, to support people we care about. Much of what we’ve been told, if we’ve been told anything, is outdated or fails to consider the realities of life and death in the digital age.
It doesn’t have to be that way. My mission is to bring a modern, caring, informed approach to helping people. Some have called me a pioneer. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that it needs to be done - and if not me, who??
What do you want to know about Thanatology?? Or, rather - what do you want to know about dying, death, and grief?